I've been homeschooling now for 14 years. When we started, like any homeschooling mom, I had never done it before (smile), and so we all kinda took blindly off into the wild blue yonder together. I had a 10th grader, 7th grader, kindergartener, and toddler (who mostly just made messes and required feeding and diaper changing in the midst of any instructional moment).
As hard as it was to make this life shift, my older sons had always been excellent students. Though I don't think they were ever homeschool fans, learning itself came easily to them. Number 3, we discovered in about 5th grade, has dyslexia. Despite my background in psychology, I knew little about learning disabilities and did not initially recognize the signs. Thankfully, a good friend did and helped me find the resources necessary to help him. He is an auditory learner who, as long as you pop something in his earbuds, is good to go. His study skills are fantastic, he takes copious, impeccably organized notes, and he actually completed a year of college while still in high school through dual enrollment at community college.
So far, so good.
Well, God saved the biggest challenge for last. My youngest son has severe dyslexia, auditory processing problems, short term memory deficits, and speech and language deficits. Thankfully again, the same good friend helped connect me to our school district's IEP team for privately placed pupils (homeschools are considered private schools), and the testing provided us with the diagnoses and suggestions for meeting educational goals. We've been working hard since, and with growing maturity and motivation he is becoming a partner in his education.
But here's the point of this post: what do you do when homeschooling doesn't look like what you expected?
I am, obviously, a book lover. No one else in my family is.
I love to talk about great books. No one else in my family does.
I love writing. Napes for anyone here (that's California talk. If you're not from Cali, you have my permission to try that word on your friends. Good luck with that.).
I love the whole process of school and learning. You get it....crickets in this family.
And now, down to ONE student in my classroom, that long ago toddler, now a freshman, with finally the opportunities to just savor the high school experience (high school years are my favorite to homeschool!)...this kid has the very hardest time with school. It's so hard for him, even with all the accommodations I've built into our homeschool life, that stress, tears, outbursts, meltdowns...all happen. Never does the child wake up and say, "I can't WAIT to work on that persuasive essay today!" "SO curious to find out what happens next in my lit book!" Nope. Never. Zilch. Nada. As I said, his maturity is bringing him to growing ownership of his education, he is frequently thankful that he is homeschooled, and he understands the importance of working hard....but it isn't easy for him and it's rarely fun.
Sometimes, I'm just bummed that the homeschool experience of, let's say, packing up books and sitting on the lawn at Balboa Park for a warm spring morning of reading has never appealed to my sons. No one's ever gotten excited about science experiments or field trips to reenactments of historical battles. Curriculum choices? I'll hear what they don't like. And no one ever wants to work ahead because they loooove the subject matter like I read about on any given homeschool forum I visit. We stopped participating in our homeschool's Class Day programs because my sons just never felt a connection with the other kids; mine didn't want to participate in Debate Club or Drama or Honor Society.
So there's a sense of loss that "I" don't echo with my kids. There's much I want to share that largely goes untransmitted to my next generation...is it lost forever? Will a college diploma signal "rich education" to any of them rather than "means to an end"? Will they ever want to participate in the Great Conversation?
I'm just kind of pensive about this today. I'm pretty sure many of you reading this can relate. Sometimes expectations are just...never gonna materialize. Sometimes life just looks really different than what you thought it would. It just does. And you're allowed to be bummed about that.
Ultimately, here's where I land: there is always silver lining in those darn clouds. There are some books that we all reference and discuss with fondness and understanding: To Kill a Mockingbird, Fahrenheit 451, Night (well, the freshman hasn't hit those books yet, but I'm sure they will impact him too). One really liked Les Miserables, another Oliver Twist. One has been forever marked by the French Revolution as portrayed in the movie version of A Tale of Two Cities. There are field trips that have etched positively on their memories: the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles, for example. There are historical figures who have inspired them. One is still fascinated with every bug that he encounters, leading to internet exploration on said insect. Another loves documentaries, following his trails of current interest. Sometimes, they have hit stretches during which they have been excited about a particular topic we're studying, and we have had great discussions on it; or, they stumbled on an issue they're curious or passionate about, and we explored it. So it hasn't always been groaning and discontent. And there are successes to cheer, progress we can point to, life lessons learned. Two are in college.
Best of all, I know, because I trust the Lord for all aspects of our homeschooling, that this is HIS design for our home education journey. HIS design for my own growth as a parent and as His child along the way. He didn't give me the most learning-challenged kid first, but last, when I DO have those four final years to focus on him alone. He gave me the "warm up" disability kid first, and showed me that learning connections are possible once we figure out individual learning style. I trust for all my sons that the books we read, the field trips we took, the issues we discussed, and who knows what other homeschooling aspects embedded in their minds and hearts....have all settled according to His plan for each of their purposes.
" 'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,' says the LORD. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, and do not return there, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.'" Isaiah 55:8-11
Father really does know best. And I'm good with that.
