for sadness has a refining influence on us.
4 A wise person thinks a lot about death,
while a fool thinks only about having a good time." Ecclesiastes 7:3, 4 NLT
I know that there is a movie called, "Three Weddings and a Funeral," but I haven't seen it. However, in the last three months I have lived the reverse of the movie's title.
On December 17, while my husband and I were celebrating our wedding anniversary out of town (the first time in 26 years that we celebrated early), I got the phone call that my mom had died of a sudden heart attack. Although she had had health concerns in the last few years, and indeed had just been at the hospital that morning for a fainting episode, the doctors did not feel there were any urgent medical issues. They had sent her home, and I was planning to call her that night.
But there was no phone call. Only this phone call.
Because it was a week before Christmas, my niece was imminently expecting twins, and my mom had lived out of state, we decided to postpone her funeral services until February.
Tears, texts, sobs, calls, tears, plans. Sleepless nights, sad days as our family began walking through the valley of the shadow of death.
Christmas came--and we smiled. Babies came--and we laughed. Pockets of happiness.
But before my mom's funeral services were held, I attended two other memorial services. Two weeks to the day after my mom died, a close girlfriend lost her stepfather in a similarly sudden fashion. Three weeks after my mom died, I stood with some dear friends as they said goodbye to their 18 year old son. Heartbroken for my friends, I wept with them, prayed with them, loved them.
And two days before my mom's funeral, I was at...a wedding. It was very hard to go, with my heart in preparation for such a sad day in my own life, but I am glad I did. Happy for these friends, I rejoiced with them, smiled with them, prayed for them, loved them. A pocket of happiness.
Finally the days came for my mom's funeral and burial. Our family held tight to each other and walked through the valley, surrounded by my church family who wept with us, prayed with us, loved us (and fed us and blessed us in a hundred other ways).
I have thought about many things in the past few months. One thing I have thought a lot about is the truth of the verse at the top of this blog. Sorrow does have a refining influence upon us. It has reminded me, threefold, that when you stand at the graveside only two things matter: what you did with Jesus, and how you treated your family. What you did with Jesus determines your eternity. How you treated your family determines your legacy.
My mom loved and lived Jesus, and she is in heaven. She loved and lived for us, and her legacy is a beautiful foundation for the rest of us to stand on as we all bump up a notch in the family line up.
I have also been well reminded that there are pockets of happiness in this life, and they are important. Babies, weddings, holidays...they are God's gift as we walk down here. And for them I am thankful.
From here? Well, I've come up with a hashtag that goes on all my family-related Instagram posts now: #loveyourfamilyeveryday. And, lately I have had this song on repeat in my car, and it pretty much sums it up.
Love your family.
Laugh in the pockets of happiness.
Be ready for eternity.
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