Truly an awesome God!

I had a weird autobiographical moment the other night.

I was sitting in my church, waiting for evening service to begin. Treasuring a few quiet moments without having to answer a kid's question, break up a fight (do y'all seem to notice I mention that a lot on this blog? Sorry.), or clean up a mess. Looking forward to worship and prayer. Background music was playing. Suddenly, I heard a song begin that immediately jolted me back 20 years:

I was walking up the hallway at San Luis Rey Hospital, the New Life Treatment Center adolescent unit. I was the Clinical Coordinator for this Christian treatment program, but I wasn't a Christian. WHAT?! I had been hired by a friend from graduate school who apparently wasn't too choosy about my walk with Jesus. I had been responsible for her getting shifts at a homeless teen shelter where I was a case manager, and I guess she figured we made a good team.

The Christian nurses of this hospital (who were SLR employees, not NLTC ) would often request to work our unit, because it gave them freedom to pray with kids, talk about the Lord, and use the Bible for counsel. They often talked to me about the Bible, but I thought they were weird. They talked to me about salvation, but I thought they were a bit fanatic. I liked working with them, but I was a clinical professional thankyouverymuch (that's another phrase I think I am gonna use often here), and didn't need this Christian stuff.

OH how I am now SO SO thankful that they prayed for me, told me the Truth, and never gave up on me. I so wish I could talk with those nurses today and tell them their prayers were answered!

But back to the hallway. I was walking up to 3pm change of shift report, to be the clinical input for the nurses who were coming on for the evening and make sure everything was set to run smoothly. (Mostly because I didn't like that darn beeper of mine going off. Oh did I hate that beeper). Our NLTC youth pastor was out sick that day and a pastor from Calvary Chapel north county was filling in...he was married to the head nurse :-)  The kids were in the dayroom, and he was leading them in "Our God is an Awesome God." I stopped in my tracks. Something about that song was grabbing my heart. I got tears in my eyes. Suddenly I wanted that. I wanted that God. I wanted to worship. I wanted to sit in that room with those kids (who would rather NOT be sitting in that room, mostly) and sing. Suddenly Jesus was real, casual, accessible. But the staff was waiting and I had to wipe off those tears and go to my meeting.

I'd like to say I walked into the meeting and said, "Hey, I'm ready to accept this Jesus you are always telling me about! Who's got a Bible for me?" but I didn't. This was maybe 1992. Shortly the center would close and we'd all lose our jobs, the day after I found out I was pregnant with our second son. The next couple years would involve an unsuccessful move to another state and back again, lots of problems (mostly my own fault, of course), and finally, in 1995, Mission Valley Christian Fellowship and redemption. But to this day, I point back to that day and mark it as the moment I first knew this Bible Christian thing was the real deal and I wanted it.

So Wednesday night I hear this song start and I have this amazing gratitude moment. You know how those are? I think back to that selfish, shallow young woman who just wanted a job that made some money, no matter who I had to pretend to be....and to the woman who today is standing so solid inside Jesus that now I'm the fanatic. Ha. To think God knew that day that He was going to take me from who I was in that hallway and give me four sons into whom I would pour in the Word, two of whom have been involved in worship ministry (and who, as I'm thinking about it, I hope will someday lead me in worship to that song. Wouldn't that be so God.). He has given me a man who has stayed by my side all these years and loves that I love Jesus. He has graciously and beyond all comprehension given me a ministry where He trusts me to, in His name, storm strongholds in intercession. Really, Lord? Stunning. Unfathomable.

Our God truly is an awesome God.