Simple country faith

Jennijen...what does that mean? Well, it is what my mom always used to call me when I was a little girl :-) My mom was born on the plains of Colorado a few years before the Great Depression. She was the youngest of five and the only girl. Their family moved around Colorado frequently so my grandpa could make ends meet (I think they ran out of town a few times when the creditors were on their tail, too!). She is a country farm girl who spent many lonely days with the household pets while her parents and brothers were out in the fields. She has always told me that during those long days, she would talk to the pets...and to Jesus. Although her family didn't attend church regularly (if ever), she knew who Jesus was with the simple faith of a child; and that same simple faith echoed from her on a warm day last June when in the car coming home from a mastectomy at age 84: I told her, "Mom, you are such a strong woman." (Who else has a mastectomy on an outpatient basis?!) She pointed to the sky--Jesus makes me strong. The next day, seated on her couch pointing to scrapbook photos and telling us family stories (who spends the day after a mastectomy sitting up telling stories for hours on end?), she told me quietly, "God is my beginning. He is my end. And He is my in between." Then, her characteristic laugh as she looked at me, knowing we would share tears of understanding and a smile of agreement. justwantJesus...what does that mean? When I was maybe first or second grade I had a prayer book I carried everywhere. I can still feel the texture of it in my mind. It was small and white, with a rough exterior and a strap that fastened it closed with a snap. I wanted so much to connect with Jesus. One day in our kitchen I was in some state of little-girl spiritual yearning and, clutching that prayer book to my chest I told my mom, "Mom, I just want JESUS!" Oh, to feel that He and I had a connection, to feel His arms around my heart, to be consumed in His love...it was this overwhelming, passionate cry of my soul. Although my mom lives a state away and I seldom get up to see her (one income and several mouths to feed makes the trip difficult to afford--although the Lord got us up there three times during the year she was fighting cancer!), I can often hear her in my head. I think of the faith with which she raised me--the simple faith of The Greatest Generation ("right is right and wrong is wrong, just like it has been all along" as Steven Curtis Chapman tells us). I can hear her say, "Jennijen" in that high singsong voice. And I sure wish I was sitting next to her on the couch this evening, looking at family pictures and hearing stories. And although my own faith doesn't always seem so yearning and passionate anymore in the storms and dry seasons that complicate the walk of a seasoned Christian (maybe it does to those around me, but I know myself better than they do), I still just want JESUS. The road seems so circuitous and rocky the longer I walk with Him, and we usually seem to be heading uphill against hurricane force winds, but He is still the single thread of desire in my soul. I want at the end of my life to say that He has been my beginning, my end, and my in between. Jennijen just wants Jesus!